How did I come across such a winning lottery ticket chunk of good fortune, you ask? Honestly, I'm still trying to figure that one out myself! Through my powers of guile, cunning, manipulation, networking, karma, friends in high places, and the space-time continuum, I snagged 4 tickets to Wednesday's Grand Finale/Results Show at the Nokia Theatre in Los Angeles, and I couldn't be more excited. This is so cool! I keep pinching myself, trying to figure out if this is real or not....I have a feeling it wont feel real until I'm actually sitting in the Nokia watching Hollywood's hottest sing and mingle on stage. Man, did I mention how cool this is?!!

Of course, this raises many serious journalistic questions that I must pose not only to myself but to the entire writing community as a whole, which include: what the hell am I going to wear, and how can I weasel my way into Elliott Yamin's arms?!!!! These are important things to figure out, folks, so lets get on it! You know my email address!

My head is still reeling from the near-disaster that was tonight's American Idol results show. Between Castro totally spacing out during the phone-in portion of the show and Maroon 5’s Adam Levine making ego-centric herbally-aided comments to the contestants, the night was all but worthy of the ratings/viewership the show still somehow manages to garner. Personally, I’m starting to feel like this is The Neverending Season…I yearn for the time when the talent was raw and real (hello, Carrie and Elliott), the contestants’ personalities bright and interesting (Paris Bennett, Scotty “The Body”, a Sting-singing Chris Sligh…hell, even Jon Peter Lewis!!), and a format that made me look forward to Tuesday nights. My girlfriends and I used to throw American Idol parties, that’s how much we loved the show. But this year…man, this year has been almost as painful as that trip to the dentist I took not too long ago for a chipped wisdom tooth. And lets be honest – you know things are bad when I’m comparing Idol to a trip to the dentist!

One highlight of the evening, for me anyway, was the return of the original “rocker” on Idol: the one and only Bo Bice. I’m listening to his performance play back on TiVo as I write this, and it only further cements what this season’s contestants are lacking…Bo can get up on stage with his guitar and rock out genuinely, honestly—its believable. No BS, no ego, just a musician enjoying his craft. Then you have someone like Mr. Ego Cook, and he cant hold a candle to Bo. None of them can. Man, this is a frustrating season!!! At least I can say that I actually enjoyed a performance on the Idol stage tonight, for once…so thanks, Bo. America REALLY needed that.

Nah, I'm just kidding. The idea that Idol doesn't at least have SOME shady tendencies isn't hard to believe. Carmen says that during her stint on the show, she felt that it was clear who Idol producers wanted to see as front-runners. She says, "I only received minimal vocal coaching from American Idol voice instructor Debra Byrd", while others (*cough*Clay Aiken*cough*) received more than 30 minutes of quality vocal coaching and feedback. She also says that certain contestants got feedback on performance and song choice, while she and others received none.

Now before you get all up in arms, remember that this is coming from a contestant who was marginally talented at best and hasn't seen much of the spotlight since being on the show. This desperate attempt to fling herself into the spotlight interview could be nothing more than a last-ditch effort at money and/or the limelight.....or it could be totally friggin' true. I guess its up to you to figure out the fact from the fiction (when you do, could you email me with your findings? Its Saturday and I have major plans, though I'd love to sit here and research for you...I live to please!)

Mariah Carey and American Idol snuck out past curfew together tonight, and their union resulted in an illegitimate love child in the form of a ballad-soaked evening, complete with tears, meaty references, and hamburger analogies (you can thank Simon for the latter, David Cook for the former, with Brooke White sandwiched in the middle…feelin’ dirty yet???).

Mariah Carey was FINALLY invited to the American Idol partybus tonight after waiting six whole seasons…the longest she has ever had to wait for anything, I’m sure. She and I go waaaaay back….back to a time when her hair was curly, her body clothed, and her albums refreshingly devoid of Diddy-produced tracks. We’ve had some rough patches, she and I, but I forgave her for the hot mess of a mistake that was Glitter and we’ve moved on. To promote celebrate her new album, she made a guest appearance tutoring the remaining 7 Idol hopefuls (and even pretended to be a fan of Kristy Lee Cook! See, her acting chops cant be THAT bad!). But no amount of personal training a la Mariah could save certain contestants from possible rejection due to lackluster performance; to that end, I give you my LEAST favorite acts of the night. I figure we’ll start at the bottom and work our way up. So painfully, sadly, and with much regret I begin with…………..Opie Archuleta.

GASP! I know, right? You know I’m a big Opie fan, so this one hurts me a little. More than a little. OK, a lot. Like the time I cracked my head open on a cold tile floor, resulting in permanent nerve damage and a 2-inch square on my noggin with absolutely no feeling whatsoever (true story!). Anyway, Opie just didn’t do it for me tonight. He tried to sing “When You Believe”, which Mariah originally recorded as a duet with Whitney “Crack is Whack” Houston for the Prince of Egypt soundtrack. So as if tackling a Mariah song wasn’t a daunting enough task, our boy Opie had to pick a Mariah AND Whitney song. It just didn’t work for me. I’ve always loved how he seems to know exactly where to add his trademark runs (there is no better way to ruin a song than adding unnecessary vocal acrobatics) but tonight he was up and down the scale for the duration of the song, and it got under my skin. I think he has enough of The Archies voting for him to keep him outta the Bottom 3, but he better shape up next week. I want my Opie back!

Carly Smithson, another vocal acrobat, is also on my hit list tonight. She sang “Without You”, which was a good choice in theory…but somehow she managed to mangle it for me. Its funny, I’ve been saying for weeks how she needs to show a little restraint when she sings….tonight, the first half of her performance was all restraint—and I didn’t like it. But then she belted out the second half and I STILL didn’t like it. There was no middle ground. Either she was in a low register and quietly off key or completely belting out her notes and in effect oversinging. Simon hit the proverbial nail on the head when he said she is overthinking her performances. Then again, she IS Irish…she could be coming out on stage totally sloshed everynight, so I guess overthinking isn’t the worst thing she could be doing!

Brooke stripped “Hero” down to its skivvies in a typically "Brooke" performance; that is, piano, vibrato, and not much else. I thoroughly enjoyed the first half of her performance, until she got to the bridge and lost her footing, never really re-gaining her step. “It was a bit like ordering a hamburger and only getting the bun,” mused Simon, “in other words the vital ingredient, the bit in the middle, was missing”. No meat! I hate when that happens; there should always be meat! (Get your mind outta the gutter!!) To be fair, half of Brooke’s performance was really good, so maybe she belongs higher up on my list….but I didn’t dig the way she lost confidence towards the end of the song. You can mess up all you want, and beat yourself up after the show or when watching playback…but while you’re performing, at least commit until the very last note…don’t give up on yourself prematurely. If you give up on yourself that only asks me to give up on you as well…and you need the votes.

Kristy Lee sang “Forever” and, to be fair, it wasn’t horrible. She looked like Karaoke Barbie and she’s still the least talented of the remaining contestants, but she’s gotten better over the weeks. Kristy seemed thrilled at the fact that she gave Mariah goosebumps during their one-on-one…I doubt she stopped to consider that Mariah probably had goosebumps not out of admiration but out of fear and pain. And could you blame her, really??

David Cook was the only one of the evening to take a chance on an upbeat song, Mariah’s 90’s hit “Always Be My Baby” (that song is SOOOOO me sneaking out of the house to meet my then-boyfriend on the corner to kiss and hold hands like only a puppy-love couple can)…tho technically he turned it into a slower, more angst-driven ditty than Mariah had originally recorded…but that’s what he does. She should've known by now. The low register for the first verse of the song was a little touchy for me, but I thoroughly enjoyed the arrangement. Mr. Ego seemed particularly inspired performance-wise this week, no doubt from having his brother Adam in the audience (scroll down and read the article on what Adam when thru to get to LA to see lil bro, if you haven’t already…it helps explain David’s apre-song waterworks).

Dreadlocks turned out a Spanish-inspired “I Don’t Wanna Cry” in his trademark folky, whispery-breath style, and I loved it. Loved it! Randy wasn’t feelin’ it, but both Paula and Simon jumped on the Castro train tonight. Good for them. It’s a good train. You should get on it if you’re not already. I believe he’ll sail thru to next week…I mean, the irony of him being booted off to “I Don’t Wanna Cry” is just too much. Aint gonna happen!

And now, guys and dolls, I’ve saved the best for last: a breathtakingly beautiful Syesha giving an absolutely jaw-dropping performance of “Vanishing”. She effortlessly combined restraint with powerhouse vocals and the end result was stunning. I’ll be shocked (and pissed!) if she ends up in the Bottom Three again this week…you hear that, America?? Do right by this girl! Week after week she comes out and tackles songs most of us don’t even dare attempt in the privacy of our own showers, let alone in front of 30 million people…give her some friggin’ credit!

Anyway, it recently came to my attention that David’s brother, Adam, 36, is waging a pretty gnarly battle with cancer. Having witnessed my mom’s once-upon-a-time war with The Big C herself (she lost, despite one helluva fight), I empathize with the family’s situation. That’s why this story caught my attention: a story where cancer doesn’t hold its victim hostage, but instead opens doors to make a seemingly impossible dream become a reality (geez, I sound like a Lifetime movie again….).

The story goes like this: Adam suffers from brain cancer. He is currently undergoing chemotherapy, but the cancer has already spread to his spine. Last week he attempted to board a commercial flight to LA to attend Idol and see his brother perform, but the flight was grounded when it was determined that Adam couldn’t fly because of his condition (I’m still not clear on the particulars; seems to me that if he was really that bad they shouldn’t have let him board in the first place—and could have avoided grounding the flight entirely—but then again, what do I know? I can barely get on a plane without white knuckles, lots of tears, and a whole bunch of conversations with Jesus in which I promise to shape up and, like, build houses for Habit For Humanity if I just please make it to the end of my journey in one piece). Anyway, Adam practiced law in Terre Haute before his health declined, and his lawyer pals rallied behind him (with the help of a headline-seeking concerned councilman) and arranged for an all-expenses-paid flight on a medical jet for he and his wife, Kendra, complete with a medic and nurse on-board to monitor his health. A local Terre Haute radio station is also footing the bill for the Cooks to stay in a hotel across the street from the Idol studios in LA. The estimated cost of the custom "Pimp My Flight" trip? Get ready for it….$80,000.

Adam and Kendra have plans to “have dinner and hang out” with David while they’re in town (assuming there is a restaurant in LA with a doorframe wide enough to accommodate David’s ginormous head….sorry, I couldn’t resist…) but mostly they’re just excited to see him perform.

Brooke White released an album in 2006 titled Songs from the Attic on independent label New Millenium Records Group (yes, you can buy it on Amazon). She also released a video for the single “Free”, off Songs from the Attic.

Syesha Mercado won “Best Supporting Actress” at the 2005 Florida Theatre Conference and the 2006 South Eastern Theatre Conference for her role as the Sour Kangaroo (your guess is as good as mine!) in Seussical the Musical.

David Cook released an independent album in 2006 titled Analog Heart. The album was chosen as the fourth-best CD released in 2006 by website Music Equals Life. He also won the Urban Tulsa Weekly's "Absolute Best of Tulsa" award for "Best Locally Produced, Independent Album" in 2007.

We all know that Carly Smithson released an album titled Ultimate High with the now-defunct MCA label, which sold barely 400 copies in the first three months after release (up until a few weeks ago it was priced on Amazon for 9 cents each…yes, 9 whole pennies!) but she also released a Christmas album in Ireland at age 10, and at age 12 was the nationally recognized “face” of a popular sausage brand.

David Archuleta was Junior Vocal Champion on Star Search 2, and has appeared on both The Jenny Jones show and CBS’ The Early Show (you can see him on YouTube singing to Kelly Clarkson and the other Season 1 finalists in an airport…he was great even back then).

Jason Castro was the drummer for a Texas-based band named Charlamagne, which later became Keeping Lions (www.myspace.com/keepinglions) but now no longer exists. So sad. See what happens when one band member goes on to do bigger and better things!

My point, guys and gals, is this: with the exception of Opie and Dreadlocks, all our current Idol kids have had dealings with the music industry. Whether they were major-label affiliations or independent doesn’t really matter; the fact is that they’re not the “undiscovered talent” that American Idol originally aimed to find…and Idol producers seem more than willing to keep these facts as under-wraps as possible. (Its also a little ironic that arguably the best singer in the competition, Opie, hasn’t had any real dealings with the music industry--yet someone like Kristy Lee managed to get herself signed with one of the largest labels out there).

As Brooke mentioned on Thursday night's result show, her sister's wedding is today...and the only way Brooke would have been able to attend was if she were eliminated from Idol. Since the Aussie got the ax instead, the White wedding today will be sans Brooke. So sad.

But dont cry for her, Argentina...the family has come up with a pathetic creative way to "include" Brooke in the festivities: a cardboard Brooke-a-like will stand in!

I know, I know...I'm still trying to figure that one out myself. I mean, people are always on the lookout for ways to make their wedding unique so as to not bore their friends and family to death--but cardboard stand-ins? Really? I'm pretty willing to bet thats one wedding trend that WON'T catch on!

Apparently all Idol contestants are told well in advance that Saturdays are a major rehearsal day. "Its one of those sacrifices you have to make if you want to be a star", Idol exec producer Nigel Lythgoe says, adding "It would be a shame if Brooke were kicked off the show because she hadn't properly rehearsed". Man, you Brits need to work on your bedside manner!