The country twang was high and the expectations were low as Seacrest ushered us into the Dolly-themed evening. (I keep trying to figure out an April Fool’s Day joke or innuendo or something, and so far, nada. Stay tuned, tho…I’m optimistic).

Highlights:

(Disclaimer: This first one pains me….) David Cook, or as I’ve come to call him, Mr. Ego. While his head is massively large and growing by the week, his version of “Little Sparrow” was sooooo good. I say “his version” because, for the first time, it really WAS his version, a point Seacrest made very clear pre-performance. Its no secret that Mr. Ego has been biting other people’s arrangements every week and trying to pass them off as his own (a la Chris Daughtry and his shady Live cover a couple years ago) and til now he has gotten away with it every single week. It was nice to hear him give credit where credit was due. And tonight, as much as I hate to admit it, I rather enjoyed his performance. He really showed off his voice, and dammit, it’s a good voice. Ick. OK, I gotta move on before I shoot myself…

Opie Archuleta. Has Fox put him up for adoption yet? Cus I am seriously ready to sign the paperwork and take him home with me. Every week I listen to him sing and I’m shocked at how good he is, as if I didn’t already know. ITS JUST NOT NORMAL FOR A KID SO YOUNG AND CUTE TO SING LIKE THAT!!! And it will continue to astound me until he wins the whole damn contest and confetti is streaming on stage and suddenly I’m slapped in the face with the realization that he’s our American Idol!!! (My Dad would have me believe that Opie will win this year...I'm not totally convinced yet, but he's certainly shaping up to be a front-runner).

Michael Johns. In a completely shocking turn of events, I was taken aback (I always feel so British when I use that word!) that the Aussie gave the performance that he did. It was a Gospel-heavy, blues-soaked version of the ironically titled “Its All Wrong But Its Alright”, and he ended the show on a very high note. (Which is good for him, cus he was beginning to fade into that middle ground that some people get stuck in....they dont suck but they aren't great, they merely subsist until the numbers get low enough for America to get rid of them by default).

Lowlights:

Oddly enough, there really weren’t any. Or rather, there weren’t any disasters (like the countrified “Eight Days A Week” that I STILL cant shake from my memory). People may disagree with me here, but I rather enjoyed Brooke’s “Jolene”, with the fiddler and hand-drummer right there on stage with her. I know the judges didn’t quite get it, but I loved it. She seemed so natural, so comfortable. I bought it. Did you??

Ramiele was forgettable. So much so that I almost forgot to include her in this article. I am liking her less and less each week. She gets on stage and all her personality just flies out the window, and then she pouts her way thru the critique. Pouting is only acceptable up to the age of….ok, nevermind, its never acceptable. Its annoying. Just have a good voice and sing well. Then again, that’s not true. Not at all. In fact, Your Honor, the defense would like to present Exhibit A as Reason Numero Uno why vocal ability is NOT all that matters on American Idol: Carly Smithson.

Carly has one of the best voices on the show, no question. And if this were just a vocal competition she wouldn’t be in any danger of being in the Bottom 3 again this week….but its not. It’s a popularity contest as much as a singing one. The riding pants/boot outfit that she clearly stole from Madonna’s closet hurt her…and Simon didn’t hesitate to point it out (“without being rude”, of course). Clearly, America wants more than vocal ability in our Idol….we want humility, character, charisma….hell, we voted Taylor Hicks to the win, so CLEARLY it aint all about your vocal chops! Carly, get a stylist if you want Simon off your back. Get some humility if you want ME off your back. Oh, and stop oversinging everything. Sometimes, less is more. We all know you can belt it out a la Celine Dion…but if we wanted that, we’d all take our asses to Vegas. An understated performance would, for once, be nice. Just once. Then you can go back to your Aretha-meets-Whitney ways.

Dolly summed up Dreadlock Castro perfectly: “He’s kinda funny lookin’!”. Well yes, yes he is. But along with those funny looks, he actually gave a good performance of “Travelin’ Thru”. It was no Opie or Johns, but it was one of his better performances, I thought. (A prelim check of other blogs has led me to realize that I am the minority opinion here, but hey, I’m used to that….I’m Mexican/Irish, minority is in my DNA…). Tweens across American would agree with me that Castro did a good job. Take that, snobby bloggers! Hmph!

Kristy Lee finally had her day (night?) in the sun; her performance wasn’t ghastly, and at least now she can say she stuck around til Country Night. Just in time to get sent home!!

As for Syesha, I’m torn. She has one of the best, most pure voices in the competition. But she made one big mistake last night; not only did she take on Whitney Houston (never a good idea, I don’t care who you are), but she did it with “I Will Always Love You” (one of the best songs ever written….good job, Dolly! Because of that song, I have spent countless hours and tears making myself hoarse and miserable, sad and depressed…you’re a genius!). Anyway, they say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, blah blah blah, but with Whitney??? Seriously? Taking on Whitney Houston is a gamble at best…taking on The Song is just plain insanity. It doesn’t matter that she sang it well…in fact, that much of it was beautiful and impressive; you just cant ever hope to cover that song and be better than Whitney. But A+ to Syesha for having the balls to try.

Bottom Three: Ramiele, Kristy Lee, and (in a bold prediction, but go with me here) Carly. Her voice is great but something is missing with her, and I think til she figures it out, she’s not gonna connect with the audience the way producers might have hoped (sorry ‘bout your luck there, Nigel and The Simons….ringers don’t always pan out!).