Idol Meets Miami

Miami. Home of Latin rhythms, endless beaches, scantily-clad women and…thankfully…some legitimate singers. After the mediocre Midwestern talent in Omaha (seriously, the producers couldn’t have chosen a better city than Omaha? Was Bakersfield all booked up that day?!) I had my earplugs ready, but Miami – true to form – turned up the heat.

I’m gonna channel my inner Clint Eastwood here and recap last night’s The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly. (And there were plenty of each, trust me…)

The Good

When you think of American Idol, its not exactly a stretch to imagine a former boy band member auditioning, right? What you DON’T imagine is a former boy band member turned rocker…but that’s exactly what happened to Robbie, 25. (They never mentioned which boy band he was a part of…clearly they didn’t do so well!) He sang Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Simple Man” and my heart fluttered, just a little. He reminded me of Season 5’s Bo Bice (who came in a not-too-shabby 2nd in the season finale) which is a good thing. I look forward to seeing more of Robbie in Hollywood. (Swoon!)

Meet Corliss and Brittany, both 20, and my hands-down favorites so far. Close friends (they seemed more like sisters) these girls were the most charismatic, loud, confident, fun girls we’ve met this season. At one point they were sitting on either side of Ryan, and lets just say his entire body equaled 1/3 of each of theirs. You do the math. But no matter, these wonderfully colorful ladies came to sing, and that they did. Their old-school jazz selections were refreshing, and the way they shamelessly flirted with Simon and Randy made me blush a little (not an easy thing to do, I assure you). Plus, they’re just super fun to watch. I cant wait to see what tricks they’ll have up their impressively large sleeves in Hollywood. Lots of love, ladies!!

Of course it wouldn’t have been Miami if a dark-skinned, curly-haired, heavily-accented Latin lover didn’t come out to audition…and that’s where Ghaleb, 27, came in. His voice, while too heavy on the vibrato and a bit hard to understand, was somewhat reminiscent of Marc Anthony. The judges gave him a pass to Hollywood on the agreement that he’d work on his accent (like he was gonna object?!). The Latin Fabio made his exit by kissing everyone from cameramen to show staff to Seacrest. See ya in Hollywood, Ghaleb. Smooches!

Another decent vocalist was Suzanne, 21, a single mom with an absolutely adorable little girl. Baby Gap cute. Wow. Anyway, the show isn’t American Baby, so moving right along…Suzanne sang Bonnie Rait’s “I Cant Make You Love Me”. It was a bit overdone, but the judges thought she was good. And I thought her kid was cute. So, thumbs-up all around!

They say good things come in small packages. Ramiele, 19, is one small package. Her tiny Filipino frame packs some pretty hefty vocal chords, though. When she told the judges she’d be singing Aretha Franklin’s “Natural Woman”, I practically choked on my own tongue. My main concern with Lil Ramiele is that half of her performance was more shouting than singing. Remember, ladies, singing loud does not always equal singing well. Shouting aside, it was still a good audition. I expect she’ll do well in Hollywood. If she makes it to the Top 24 she’ll definitely get the Jasmine Trias vote (Season 3).

Syesha, 20, also unfortunately violated my No Shouting rule during her audition. Like Ramiele, Syesha chose an Aretha song, and just like Ramiele she shouted the high notes more than sang them. She flailed a bit towards the end, but she’s definitely got pipes. And she’s pretty. Not a bad combination when you’re trying to win big on AI. (Oh, and she had a really sweet back-story about her relationship with her dad, a recovering drug addict/alcoholic. I realize it has absolutely nothing to do with her merits as a vocalist, but seeing the way she was with her dad earned her extra voting points with me. Aw, now I miss my Daddy!)

OK, so technically if I had it my way I’d put Ghaleb and Suzanne in the Sorta-Good category, but then that would ruin my The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly theme, now wouldn’t it? Hey, don’t look at me…I’m not the one titled the movie! Moving on….

The Bad

Meet Richard, 19. Poor guy has the distinct (though unfortunate) honor of having the world’s most nasal singing voice. Seriously, the Guinness people should track him down – he’d earn the title, no doubt about it. He attempted to sing Rascal Flatt’s “God Blessed the Broken Road”…noble attempt, it really was. Its just that God DIDN’T bless his broken voice. Singing just aint your game, Richard…

The 80’s made a brief comeback with Shannon, 18. She works at her parents’ meat market, and apparently thinks its fun to dress up like a Belinda Carlisle/Madonna love-child (even though she quite possibly wasn’t even born in the 80’s). I figured her outfit meant a trip on the Wayback Bus in the form of perhaps a Debbie Gibson tune, but I was wrong. Waaaay wrong. Shannon sang Janis Joplin’s “Me and Bobby McGee” and, like any good meat market employee, she butchered it. Simon likened her to a Hungarian Janis Joplin (no offense to Hungarians). It was a no all around. Sorry, Shannon. I’m sure you’ll make a very good professional meat handler.

And now, announcing the winner of American Idiot: Julie, 16, the most annoying and unintelligent teenager we’ve seen so far. (I debated tossing Julie in with “The Ugly”, so lets pretend she’s, like, The Bugly…or something like that). Now I realize annoying could just be a symptom of her age, but this girl was unbelievable. She was on American Juniors (Fox’s creepy short-lived Idol spin-off for tweens) when she was 12, and obviously her 15 minutes of fame waaaay went to her head. Typically talent improves with age…but not so for Julie; in fact it worked the opposite way. Like meat-handling Shannon before her, she sang Janis Joplin. (There should really be a minimum age requirement to sing any Janis Joplin song. At 16, what does she know about Bobby McGee?! Janis was probably rolling over in her grave.) The judges said no to her overdone performance, and the kid started arguing with them! Cocking her head to the side, asking “why” over and over again, copping attitude…clearly someone’s parents never tell her “no”. Julie finally got the hint and left the audition room, eloquently telling her parents (and millions of viewers): “I’m, like, really bummed….they, like, didn’t give me a chance, at all!”. Ah, to be 16 again. Someone please take away her allowance immediately.

The Ugly (and just plain bizarre)

This wouldn’t have been American Idol without a dose of insanity, which Brandon, 20, had oozing out of every orifice (don’t worry, I think they make a cream for that). He burst into the audition room with this horrible schizophrenic comedy routine. No one was laughing. He sang a bit of Boyz II Men and then a ditty of his own composition, delusionally titled “I Am The Next American Idol”. Simon tried to critique him, but Brandon interrupted with another “comedy” routine. The guy wouldn’t stop. It was like an Energizer commercial gone terribly wrong. Finally Randy and Simon got up and walked out on him, leaving Paula alone and looking very confused (not an unusual look for her….love ya, Paula!).

So there you have it…The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly. A total of 17 hopefuls got their Golden Tickets to Hollywood. Up next on American Idol’s stroll through the nation? Atlanta, Georgia. The South has done notoriously well for American Idol, producing 5 out of 6 of the show’s winners (although, can we really call Taylor Hicks a winner?? OK, he’s still a winner, just not a successful one. Ha! Sorry, Taylor…) Good luck, Atlanta…but I’m coming prepared with earplugs next week, just in case!

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Idol Meets Miami

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