Ladies Night

Ladies night. I usually associate that phrase with strip clubs and, of course, the song. (Useless trivia time: who sang a hilarious version of “Ladies Night” in the movie The Wedding Singer? Winner gets…uh…infinite personal pride. I’d come up with a real prize but I’m poor and cant afford one. Sorry.) Anyway, since boys night was mediocre at best, the ladies didn’t really have much to worry about in the way of competition (if you can count Luke Menard and Garrett Haley as competition…ick).

Kristy Lee Cook was up first (she’s the one who, according to the trustworthy-and-never-wrong Internet, had some sort of development deal with Britney Spears’ production company). Apparently Kristy sold her favorite horse to finance her audition for AI. Makes ya wonder what else she’d sell to get ahead in life. (What?!! I’m just saying!). She sang “Rescue Me”, which was an ambitious choice for a tiny little white girl. In fact, it was too ambitious. Randy said she was pitchy (shocker). She wont get voted off yet cus she’s pretty, but she better start picking songs that are a little more within her abilities.

Joanne Borgella, the gorgeous plus-size model, sang “I Say A Little Prayer For You”. For some reason I’m always disappointed when she sings. I realize it’s a little stereotypical of me to expect all plus-size black women to have amazing vocal chops…but don’t blame me, blame Aretha and Chaka Khan and all the other women who’ve raised the bar! Like Kristy, Joanne should have chosen a more realistic song. The whole performance was just bland. Unfortunately, I think she’s going home. Modeling is probably a better bet for her.

The evening’s third performer was Alaina Whitaker, the youngest contestant this season (funny, I always think David Archuleta is the youngest…maybe that’s cus he’s just adorable…in a puppy dog sorta way). She sang “I Love You More Today Than Yesterday”, and I immediately had déjà vu. Didn’t Chikezie sing that same song last night? Lucky for Alaina, I DID love the song more today than yesterday (oh c’mon, like you wouldn’t use the same pun?!). She’s safe til the next round.

Amanda Overmyer hit the stage next and reminded us that you don’t have to be blonde and decked out in Abercrombie to kick arse on the AI stage. She sang “Baby Please Don’t Go”, and while parts of it seemed like she was a little drunk, I liked it. Better than her performance was her exchange with Seacrest afterwards. She joked about being hit by a semi-truck, and she just seems very down to earth and funny. I’d totally hang out with her. Extra points to Amanda for having a personality. Hopefully America agrees with me (hint, hint) and she stays to the next round.

Does anyone have the faintest idea who Amy Davis is?? Neither do I. Suddenly she was on stage singing, and I didn’t have the foggiest idea who she is. I really don’t think it matters, tho, cus her totally boring and not very good performance of “Where The Boys Are” sucked, for lack of a better word. I have no doubt that she will be one of the girls voted off…at which time she can return to whatever cheap lounge she came from.

And for the second déjà vu moment of the night (deja two?) one of the girls performed a song previously performed by one of the boys. This time it was Brooke White singing “Happy Together”. She sang it better than David Cook, but it still wasn’t anything to write home about. Brooke annoys me a little bit. Maybe it’s the whole I’m-a-goody-two-shoes-nanny-and-I-cant-be-corrupted thing. I dunno. She’s also incredibly thin. Every time I see her I feel a strong urge to shove immense quantities of food down her throat. Simon agrees with me that she’s too nice, but overall the judges didn’t totally hate her performance. Hopefully she’ll put on a pound or two next time we see her.

I had no idea who Alexandrea Lushington was until her performance of Blood, Sweat, and Tears “Spinning Wheel”, but I LOVE her. She’s like the female Jason Castro…came outta nowhere and totally won me over. The song arrangement was funkalicious (yes, funkalicious…its my article and I’ll make up words if I want to!) and her vocal was solid. I also loved her outfit: suspenders over a t-shirt and only one earring, a huge silver peace sign. Simon didn’t get her performance, but I’m sure that’s only cus his shirt was too tight and cutting off the blood supply to his brain. I have high hopes for Alexandrea. And I’m seriously considering biting her style and rocking the one-earring look now. I wonder if I could pull it off….

Kady Malloy was up next, and she sang “Groovy Kind Of Love”, which totally threw me off cus I know the Phil Collins version so well, but it was supposed to be 60s night. Weird. Kady does a really good Britney Spears impersonation. Hey, a lightbulb just went off in my head! Papa Spears and the rest of Team Britney could use Kady as a stand-in til the real Brit gets sane again. Tweens everywhere would rejoice! Man, they should pay me for these ideas. Moving on, her vocal was OK, kinda boring, and the judges didn’t really like it. She’s not going home anytime soon tho. America loves pretty blonde girls. Brunettes like me are doomed to play second fiddle.

Asia’h Epherson was up next, and she sang “Piece of My Heart” (which was originally done by Erma Franklin, Aretha’s sister, and not Janis Joplin as popularly assumed. Bonus points for you if you knew that. I didn’t.) I like Asia’h, but I wasn’t totally feeling her performance. Maybe its because every time she tried to sing “heart” it came out as “art”. The judges loved it, despite the poor enunciation. (Quick side note: every time we see a montage about Asia’h, the producers feel the need to focus on how her father recently passed. We get it. He’s no longer with us. I highly doubt she wants you people to focus on it every single time you interview her. Enough already.)

Lil Ramiele Malubay was next. She’s the teeny tiny girl with the big ‘ol voice. She sang “You Don’t Have To Say You Love Me”. The judges loved her. She loved her hair and makeup. Seacrest loved her shoes. It was a whole lotta love in the room. Ramiele is gonna sail thru to the next round…makeup, shoes, and all.

The best of the night was Syesha Mercado, by a landslide. This chick has it goin’ on. She’s irritatingly beautiful, has a great personality, and an amazing voice. She’s so fabulous I would seriously skin her and wear her if I could, just in the vain hope that some of her fabulosity would rub off on me. But then that would make me Buffalo Bill, wouldn’t it? Creepy. Anyway, she sang the hell out of “Tobacco Row”. I realize its still a bit early to be calling people out for the win, but I’m definitely on the Syesha bandwagon.

Carly Smithson closed the night, and I was waaaaaay disappointed. She’s the girl who had a record deal with MCA once upon a time, which I understand isn’t a technical violation of the rules, but it still rubs me the wrong way. She sang “The Shadow of Your Smile”. It wasn’t that she blew it; in fact, it was a strong vocal. It just didn’t wow me. I think she oversang much of it, and maybe its just me being a catty female, but she seemed a little…cocky. But what else would you expect from a one-time professional? Randy said it was the best vocal of the Top 24, but Simon said he didn’t get it and I totally agree. Wow. Simon and I agreed. The apocalypse must be upon us.

The results show is tonight, and I’m guessing that Joanne and Amy are going home, along with Luke and Garrett. Guess we’ll find out soon enough, huh?! Oh the anticipation!

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Ladies Night

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